Life, as I see it…

yes i am finally free.

which means i have some time to waste updating my blog.

yes i am aware that i did not blog in october.

because i was too busy with my studies.

huhu.

moving on. seeing as how its the critical week for most students, most of the blogs i frequently visit aren’t being updated. or they’re just using that as an excuse for not updating. (like me, sometimes :P). since no one is updating, i might as well update mine.

few weeks back, i went home despite threats of doom from my plant design project mates, specifically the girl in the group, lets call her lady gagah. ahaha. see everyone is under immense pressure of meeting the deadline, and blissfully happy me has the time to go home, so some people weren’t too happy about it. haha. but i went home anyways. its not like i didn’t do my work or anything. just had to go home for some errands i needed to take care of.

anyways, not what i wanted to talk about. fast forward, it was almost sunrise, i was going to sleep after working hard on my part of plant design report, (in case my group mates decided to read), when i saw something on my bedroom floor….

that suddenly moved.

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oh my god what the bloody f**k!

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katak rupanya. syaitan betul.

i have never been a big fan of frogs. just don’t like em.

or any reptiles for that matter. jap, are frogs reptiles?

amphibians kot. tak kisah la.

after screaming like a little girl, i tried to lead the frog out of the house. its too gooey for me to be touching it, so i was like guiding it on where to go rather than picking it up like a man should. hahaha.

and continued yelping like a sissy everytime it decided to jump in an opposite direction.

gosh if there were girls in the house at the time, i’d probably never end up getting married. hahaha.

after much directing, much jumping done by both the frog and myself, (perhaps i was jumping a bit more than the frog), i finally led the amphibian out of the house. fuh. took me awhile too. hour plus i think, because i couldn’t get it to go where its supposed to go. they should make this a sport, frog-directing.

let’s hope for my sake the frog doesn’t go telling on me to a princess that tries to kiss it. that would be embarassing.

some things that you’re afraid of when you’re little, but there are some things you’re just afraid of, no matter how old you are, and no matter what you do about it.

when i was little, i was so afraid of the dark and/or ghosts. like really, really afraid. everytime i wanted to take a shower, i’d need to have someone accompany me and stay outside the door. and i’d be trying to force my eyes open everytime i take a bath, so that i can see if there are any ghosts lurking around. haha. scaredy cat.

but that was when i was little. haha. i think maybe the ghosts are afraid of me nowadays, being so sarcasticly evil.

i was also afraid of heights. and i still am. see there are things you can overcome, like fear of ghosts and stuff. but some, you can’t. as far as i can remember, i’ve been trying to get rid of my fear of heights. everytime i go somewhere high, i try to look down to the ground below and get rid of it. but its just not possible. no matter what. no matter how many times i try, that fear will still be there.

haihs.

but, they say that courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear. how this applies to my fear of heights, i do not know. hahha

people say that what you are afraid of now usually has something to do with what you were frightened with as a child. some people are afraid of cats, however unbelievably cute some kittens may be, some people are afraid of cats, probably because a cat scratched them when they were little, maybe.

i don’t think anyone ever frightened me with ghosts or frogs or anything when i was a kid. frogs are just gooey. its not fear. its unlike-ness. haha. i do not fear frogs, i only dislike them.

what else. oh yes, i have a weird fear of talking to people i’m not familiar with. it takes a lot of courage for me to go talking to someone i’ve never talked with. it sometimes is ridiculously hard for me to go talking to someone, so i just shy away unnoticed, and sometimes its not just people i don’t know, sometimes even with people i know, i’m a bit hesitant to go talk to them. this particular trait of mine sometimes makes matters more complicated than it should be.

haihs.

although i might go around boasting what a smooth-talker i am, in truth i’m not. well not naturally. if you see me smooth-talking someone, yea thats probably not me. haha. or high from sleeping too much.

the reason why i never posted pictures in my blog before is because its kinda difficult with the friendster blog. im not sure how its like with blogger and all that, but its a bit difficult with friendster. but i thought i’d give you guys and girls a treat this time. (and also because i don’t have much of anything else to say). o yea, i dislike troublesome things, but then again, who does.

fear of hurting someone’s feelings. yes. that’s another fear. the thing about being sarcastic all the time, you sometimes go overboard on the sarcasm and hurt someone’s feelings. and it has happened quite often to me. if you are one of the people that has been offended by me in the past, i truly am sorry and it probably wasn’t my intention to do so. probably. hahaha. (see how bad i am, its a miracle i still have friends).

ok i’m getting bored. i dislike being bored. while writing this i actually went reading some random singaporean girl’s blog coz she looked pretty in her profile pic. lol. what to do, a guy is still a guy, unless he’s gay. hope ya enjoyed the post with the pictures.

till next time, take care friends.

all the best in life.

(no i am not being sarcastic..)
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(i think)

i must warn the readers that there is a possibility that you might be offended with this post, especially if you like photography. if you are easily offended, steer clear from this post. in case you decided to ignore this warning, i am sorry. everyone’s entitled to their own opinion right. although mine could be dead wrong.

happy birthday!

no, not to my blog, although this is the 31st post.

to everyone that celebrated their birthday recently.
my cousin’s birthday is on the 1st day of raya. how fun is that?! haha. so instead of just eating nasi himpit and ketupat and lemang, we ate cake as well. yeay for the soon-to-be overweight us. (and to some cousins that are already overweight. wahaha!)

oh yea, selamat hari raya! lol. that should be the first thing i said. zzz. must set priorities straight next time. and maaf zahir batin juga. or in english, sorry for the obvious and not so obvious things…

hmm. didn’t really have anything to write about. really this time. ah, here’s something. seems like everyone has a degree nowadays. and here i thought i was somehow special because i (almost) have a degree. zzz. how uncool. i dunno if most people know this, but i don’t like to be… similar to other people. i prefer to be different. i don’t think its a cry for attention, i simply dislike being similar to other people, i do not like following trends, i try to break away from the crowd.

example? to be completely honest, i like photography. no, not the art of buying expensive cameras and then showing it off to the world as if the camera makes you a cameramen, the art of taking beautiful pictures, regardless of what camera you use. see, i found out i liked photography a long time ago, before it became a craze, at least it was before the craze, coz i don’t seem to recall anyone talking about it then. and the camera that i used? my VGA quality phone camera. haha. some ppl might notice that in my camera phone, where there should be pictures of myself posing vainly, pictures of other human beings that are close to me, are pictures of inanimate objects, weird things and bizarre scenery. again, honestly, im very stiff, definitely not photogenic, if thats how you spell it. so even though at times i do try to pose and get a good photo of myself, i seldom succeed. haha.

anyways, getting back to the photography thing, i also realised that taking good pictures of other people are hard as well. i prefer candid shots, but its so hard to actually catch a very good one, unless you’re actually talented, which i’m not. haha. so i like taking pictures of things that don’t normally move. hence pictures of scenery, inanimate objects, and other weird things. but i’ve never actually told anyone i like taking pictures. and it really didn’t occur to me to get those expensive cameras to improve the quality of the pictures, coz they aren’t that nice to begin with. haha. its just something i do for my own pleasure.

but nowadays, seems like every single human being is a ‘photographer’. everyone boasting their new DSLR or DSL modem (lol) or whatever it is and are actually going for photoshoots to satisfy their thirst for great photo-capturing or whatever the hell they call what they’re doing. lol. sorry.

i really must voice out my opinion on this one. first off, having a very good camera doesn’t mean you’re a photographer that suddenly has the urge or more appropriately put the caliber or more bluntly put actual talent to actually pull off a photoshoot, it just means you’re a camera owner. that’s it. nothing more. (credit to my friend for telling me this. )

secondly, while the presence of beautiful girls and beautiful scenery does make the photograph more beautiful (obviously), it does not mean that since it was you that took the photograph, it automatically turns you into a talented photographer because the picture was beautiful. any moron can go take pictures of a beautiful girl and the pictures will turn out pretty no matter what he does. BUT, it takes skill to take pictures of a mundane, uninteresting thing and make it look extraordinary, magical.

again, sorry. i do not mean to offend, but there are some things that i just can’t stand. i rarely go rant-ing (without the hyphen it looks like a branch. lol) like this, but when i do, someone’s bound to be pissed off. haha. and who can blame them.

so, er, getting back to what i was talking about previously, i actually do like photography, but since everyone’s doing it now, it really annoys me. haha. poyo giler. but that’s me. i can’t change who i am. i wanted to make a list of things that i do that are different, but there aren’t that many that i can think of at the moment. ah, this blog? why the hell haven’t i moved out of friendster when everyone has already moved on to better places? thats one. handphone? using motorola, instead of nokia / sony-ericsson. laptop? dell. watch? fossil. not that unique nowadays, but have not met another person with the same exact design, ever.

once you think about it, it really does make sense. even my name is unique / different from others. i don’t think ive ever met someone named yasin in person. even abdullah, although a somewhat common name, is not someone i bump into regularly. o yeaa, speaking about names, what’s the deal with Malays naming their children with English / weird names? are Islamic / Arabic / Malay names not good enough for their children? i do not mean to be rude especially to those named this way, but your name will somewhat affect what you will become in the future. the closest example would be me. unique name, very unique, almost alien-like personality / interests. haha.

and sometimes, the names are almost impossible to pronounce. arcturus? nymphadora? obama? haha. you can’t even tell if its a he or a she sometimes. really. in my humblest of opinions, a name should hold a meaning. it should mean something good or worthy of mentioning. if your name is epal merah bin jantan, you can’t even be proud of that. for all we know, you’re someone’s favorite fruit.

lets take my name for example. my real name is abdullah yasin. granted, it’s not the most common of names, but its full of meaning, at least i think so. abdullah means slave of God. yasin, i’m not entirely sure, but i’ve been told it refers to a prophet. now, the actual person might not be much, but the name abdullah yasin represents someone that is religious, devoted to God, perhaps the best man can be, as man was put on this Earth to be a servant of God anyways. Muslims believe that anything that comes out of our mouths is indirectly a prayer, which is why in Malay culture we rarely or try to avoid saying bad things. example, scolding a naughty boy “aih bertuahnye budak ni pergi conteng dinding”. same thing goes for names. we give, or i should say we should have given good names to children in the sense that we pray for the child to live up to his / her name. but people nowadays are so caught up in the glitz and glamour of hollywood, we probably will be seeing names like keanu reeves jonas pitt bin jantan very soon…

but honestly, who am i to judge other people. i’m a nobody really. for all i know, tomorrow or maybe the day after that i will be going out and spending tons of cash on a camera i barely know how to use and post on facebook “I iz expert photographer. I haz expensive camera”. (might just do that, for more sarcastic reasons. haha). or maybe when it’s my turn to name my own son / daughter, i’d probably forget all about my rambles and rants here and name him / her alfonso de al gore-o-bama. or since i like computers so much,  motherboardeina. haha. meaningful what…. computer savvy. motherly. haha. if its a boy, joystickaram sings wall-e. @_@

ok. must stop before i offend more people. but no offense to obama though, the name kinda rolls off the tongue, dont ya think? obama.. obama.. obama… haha. lastly, the most important tradition in my opinion during the raya month, maaf zahir dan batin to all.
peace. take care!

i have a meeting with my Final Year project supervisor tomorrow at 8 a.m. its 2.20 a.m now. its not exactly the most suitable time for me to be updating my blog, but what the hell. i never really did care about the concept of time and how much hours of sleep a normal human being should have.

honestly, i haven’t been that busy at all. really, not that busy. but definitely very busy compared to before. lol. so it kinda bothered, not stopped, my usual wasting of time.

there has been a lot on my mind recently. well there is always a lot on my mind, but now i figured there’s MORE,  so its a lot more than usual. see what i mean? writing nonsensical sentences. lol

realize it or not, its my final year. in this university. it feels weird, trying to figure out, where all that time went. maybe i left it under my bed. zzz.

a couple of friends have already graduated. some have even got their jobs and are starting very soon. wow. ah, but thats now what i wanted to talk about. what i wanted to talk about was how inconsiderate of a friend i was.

it was their convocation. a once-in-a-lifetime thing. and i couldn’t even wake up early to show my support. honestly i felt like crap. well, i probably felt more sleepy than guilty, coz i went back to sleep even after waking up. but still, i shouldn’tve done that.

honestly, i wanted to go to kl. um. to see one close friend’s graduation. well actually there were 2 friends that were graduating, but one’s convocation was in the middle of the week, so i can’t really skip class to go. well, i CAN skip, but i do not want to. i’m proud to say that i have not skipped ANY class AT ALL this semester. yeay for me!
anyways, as i was planning to actually go to the friend’s convocation, i found out that UTP’s convocation is on the same weekend. crap. i do have friends here as well that are graduating. so i decided not to go to kl, to be here for the friends here’s convocation.

which i in the end missed.

what kind of a friend am i?

well, to be fair, i don’t really think i’m THAT close with them, but its just good manners. doesn’t have to be super duper close to actually go to someone’s convocation. sigh. sorry friends.

honestly, people must think im a real jerk. haha. and who can blame them, i am. sometimes.

maybe its just because people just don’t know me.

but how can people actually get to know me if i don’t really give them a chance?

[thinks...]

i dunno. some people managed to do it. so its not entirely impossible now is it?

sigh.

why just today, someone said “lawak gak ko nih”. in a way that implied that she previously thought i was NOT FUNNY.

@_@

and here i thought i was being funny all this while. zzz. remind me not to try out to be a comedian any time soon.

i guess people judge by what they see. as do i.

i must admit im definitely the most warm person to talk to. definitely not the most friendly person. oh and have i mentioned i have this thing where i don’t like people that are too cheerful?

no i do NOT hate kittens and no, i am NOT a psychopath. at least i dont think so.

but really, do i care what people think of me? [answer : yes]

its hard not to care what people think of you when your life revolves around you AND other people. BUT,… i will not do anything i would not want to do JUST to change what people think of me. for instance, i’m not going to suddenly go all-happy and cheery all of a sudden and suddenly be all-talkative to everyone.

HELL NO.

i’m just going to be the usual lazy-looking, keeps-to-his-friends me. in short, i care about what people think of me, but not enough to do anything about it. hahaha.

but there are people that i listen to. i mean, i do listen to my friends. i do listen to my family. there was a time in the past where people actually came to me to talk about their problems. why? well, i’m not entirely sure, but i THINK its because i try not to judge. or at the very least not tell it to their face and be mean and shit. haha.

there was one time when a friend of mine was telling me about her new boyfriend. i asked her what happened to her old boyfriend. and so she went about how she was with her boyfriend and then another guy came into the picture and at one time she had TWO boyfriends and etc2.

i could’ve just said to her what a “bad person” (refraining from using bad words :P) she was for doing such a thing but instead i just listened, with the occasional voicing out my more polite thoughts. sometimes the reason people talk to others is not to ask for advise, not to be judged, but just to let it out. to be able to tell someone, or just share it with someone is a huge relief on its own.

usually what i do when i write a post is that i re-read everything i type so that it actually makes sense to people when they read it. well not this time. haha. i digress.

what was it i was talking about again?

[scrolls back up]

ah, so its convo, bad friend, people not knowing me, not caring what people think, used to be a good friend….

you know, sometimes when i read other people’s blog, i wonder if my blog will ever be this interesting. haha. coz some bloggers are really good story-tellers. (totally out of the blue, i know)

okay! moral of the story.

1. be a good friend.
2. ATTEND ur friends convo.
3. do not judge people even though it isn’t really your fault sometimes
4. do not change who you are for people who couldn’t care less
5. DO CHANGE yourself for the better for YOURSELF and people that do care!
6. try to make sense when you blog (put yourself in the reader’s shoes)
7. always get enough sleep before meeting your lecturer.

i should go to bed before i confuse people even more. selamat berpuasa!

take care.

hi.

its the first week of the semester, and so far…. im sorta liking the schedule that i  have. its a 20-credit hour semester, and still i have so much free time. haha. although im somewhat jealous that some friends are even more free-er than i am. they get extra 2 days off. zzzz.

but having too much free time can be boring, especially for me if i can’t play any games. zzz. i can’t do anything else, so as you can see, i’m blogging more often. lol. gosh, starting to miss sunway piramid. hahah.

it is 12:50 p.m. i just woke up a few minutes ago. after finding that my roommate has gone missing, (probably went for mandarin class), i have lost the will to do anything beneficial at all and decided to wait until my stomach gets hungry before going down to eat. haha. what a loser.

i guess what the first week has taught me is that even with so much free time, it is worthless if you don’t know how to use it properly. zzz. there’s only so much time you can sleep for one day before the sleep becomes eternal. erk. haha.

i have this one friend. honestly i think he’s miserable in his university. he always complains in his blogs that “oh what a pain going back to U is” and “oh how i will miss my home” and etc. at first its quite amusing to read this stuff, but after countless more posts, its just starts to get a wee bit boring borderline pathetic, really. haha. no offense.

ive never really told anyone here in utp, (especially that friend of mine), but i actually WANTED to come here before i was even accepted. see, when i was in form 5, i followed a field trip to UTP. and so they, the tourguides, were promoting this and that, perhaps sometimes blowing things out of proportions, and me, being the gullible idiot that i was back then (and now also probably, haha) bought the whole thing.

on second thought, i think it wasn’t the tourguide that influenced me that much to come here. i think it was the scenery. the infrastructure. after all, UTP did win the Aga Khan award for infrastructure. anyways, this was the first university that i ever visited anywhere, and i thought, “wow, this is one hell of a university”. yeah, i actually judged how good a university was by its looks. how shallow am i. zzz.

and so, with the thought of the nice green environment and modern design of the buildings, i said to myself, “im coming back here again someday”. its funny how with age your thinking changes, because i was completely mesmerized by the beauty of the university at the time, i didnt even think about how is its standard of education, is the position of the university strategic, and all that. but then again, teens are like that. they seldom think that much. haha. (sedih im no longer a teen. lol)

after my spm, i tried entering the university, but unfortunately my results were not that satisfactory according to my mother’s standards (coz my father didn’t really say that much) and obviously, the university’s standards. and so, i had to settle with going for matriculation. i made it my target to apply for a matriculation center that is NOT in perak, coz i wanted to travel. i didn’t want to stay cooped up here. i wanted to see the world.

at first i wanted to put labuan as my first choice, but that was Damn far away, and my mother would never allow that. haha. so i settled with places that my parents would actually be able to visit me without that much difficulty. my choice for matriculation, in order was PasUM, penang and perak. guess im not that big of a jerk, i still consider what other ppl think. haha.

i do not know if my mother pulled some strings or what (coz sometimes she does), but i got into my first choice. PasUM. and honestly i enjoyed it immensely there. i had a close group of friends there, more closer than any friends i ever made previously, and we still keep in touch from time to time. plus, the shopping malls were THAT close, and i went out for enjoyment every week that i did not run out of money. haha.

then, after pasum, i was given two choices. study mechanical engineering in UM, or study chemical engineering in UTP. i would like to point out that i have not gotten a scholarship at this point, and it costs quite a bunch to study in UTP. furthermore, (ceh, mcm technical writing plak. haha), all my friends are in UM. well, most of them anyways. but…. UTP is offering me the course that I actually want. sigh.

so the 2 choices were, go to UTP and study something that you were planning on studying ALONE, or go to UM and study something that you did not plan on studying (but did not mind to study anyways) and hang out with your friends all the time. it was the toughest decision i had to make, ever. i was thinking of how it would suck to go to a new foreign place with no familiar faces whatsoever and at the same time how stupid it would be if i chose something just to follow my friends.

and so, after a few days of thinking, i decided. i decided that i was going to go with something that i had planned earlier in life and brave it out on my own, no matter what happens. i decided i was going to be a UTP student. hoho. how brave~

and so here i am. i do not deny that i miss hanging out with my friends (especially when they hung out in KL but i couldn’t join coz i was stuck in UTP. zzzz), but at the same time, looking back, i would not change what i did. i miss pasum, i miss my internship life, i miss my house, i miss my friends, i miss my family. but in life you have to screw all that and make do with what you DO have. so i’m trying to enjoy life as it is. and looks like im doing it.
except for when DC++ is down and i cant download the movies / series. zz wtf.

i doubt that my friend is reading this, but in the off-chance that he does, enjoy life as it is. suck it up already. life isn’t pretty, ONLY if you see it that way. as the song says, always look on the bright side of life.

okay, getting hungry now.

till next time, take care

p/s : i must admit that i am a bit of a coward, coz i did not comment / say anything on his blog. lol. nvm. he probably won’t be too happy seeing a 1000+ comment thats longer than his posts COMBINED anyways. haha.

the thing about doing your final internship report is that, after spending the whole day writing something, the last thing you’d look for to escape your days work is write a blog….

and that is the reason i did not blog in june.
anyways, still working on the final report, still a little bit lazy to write my blog, but ive been putting it off for too long, so here goes.

…

…

…

cant think of anything. sigh.

okay starting for real now.

life is pretty simple for me now. been going to work late, and coming home early, and not doing much work in between. lol. (no, this is not a smiley of one guy holding both his hands up, its L.O.L, as in laugh out loud. zzz)

with the coming of the juniors, (i have 2 under me btw), life has been pretty sweet. i passed all my tasks to them, saying its all part of  the “hands-on training”. hoho. smart eh. while they’re toiling away with the hard labour, im chilling at the lab, away from my supervisors’ eyes, and doing my final internship report, and some facebooking as well. hihi. okay, sometimes maybe more fb-ing than report-writing.

actually i did mean what i said about the “hands-on training”. i really did mean for them to learn everything while im still there. (if you actually thought im bullying my juniors coz im super lazy, shame on you!). coz honestly my senior did a pretty bad job of passing the torch on. and i dont wanna be a pain like her now do I?

anyhow, since my tasks are now divided amongst two people, its not that bad for them. they still have time to chill. which is good, i think. too much stress is never good.

i’d like to think i have a very high tolerance to stress. or as my kelantanese roommate once put it, “a very high ignorance level”. or as I’d like to put it, I’m just uber cool. haha.

but to be frank, I’m not that cool actually. I always get stressed out. sometimes for the smallest of reasons. it’s just that i don’t show it. i have a very emotionless face sometimes. a friend i once went out with said i’d make a very bad haggler (i.e : penawar harga barang jadi rendah). coz even if the price was real pricey, i’d not show the slightest hint of shock or any relevant emotion whatsoever (coz i can’t think of another emotion one would portray at the moment. see how emotionless i am sometimes?! lol)

i try to keep my cool. it would probably be uncool to show how shocked you are at the price of a GFX card for example (find the word that shows im a computer addict). however, that uncoolness would probably get you a better price. which is probably why sometimes girls make better hagglers. (yes, in general guys ar cooler than girls. haha) which is also why i always bring my mother along when i plan on buying something expensive. haha.

okay, ive lost track of what i was saying and do not know how to proceed.

oh, did i mention my internship ends next week?

(refer back here later)

WOOT!

(woot! is kinda like yeay!, only more nerdy)

ah, sidetracking a bit. please dont be too offended if i type or text you “wtf”. its not as offensive as you might think. it depends on the usage really. usually, if a wtf is preceded or followed by a lol, as in “lol wtf” or “wtf lol”, its not meant to be hurtful. really depends on the occasion you’re using it and who you’re using it with. an appropriate example would be saying to your close friend “bodoh la ko..”. its not offensive as compared to saying it to someone you JUST met. get it?
(if you still dont get it then stfu and dont use wtf k. haha. lol.)

the reason for the long explanation is that i said lol wtf to someone the other day, and she got upset. guess she’s not that big of a cyber geek as me. lol wtf. haha.

ah. since im elaborating so much on the use of internet shortforms, maybe i should explain a few here….

wait, that would be boring…

wait again, it already IS boring…

….

moving on, lol.

….

(i seem to be stuck. crap.)

sigh, if only i could type up my report as fast as this. haha. as of right now, my report is around 7000 words long. if im not mistaken it was 6000 words yesterday. not bad eh. i jokingly said to a friend the other day, in malay, “this is  6 months work cramped into a few weeks!”. “how so?”, the friend asks. “coz my blog is roughly 1000 words per entry and i only write once a month, and that’s if im feeling hardworking… (rasa rajin. lol).”

lol.

i am never good at goodbyes or anything that’s remotely sad. despite my cool exterior (lol), i am quite soft on the inside (except for the bones). i tend to suddenly reminisce on all the good times ive spent with that person and suddenly feel the need to justify all the un-nice things he / she has done to me, and suddenly feel sad that he / she is leaving.

and it is a feeling that sucks. zzzz.

(no, the “zzzz” does not mean ive fallen asleep.)

(although it COULD mean someone reading this has. lol.)

okay, getting back to what i was saying (please refer back). my internship finishes next week. it is a mixture of feelings. im feeling glad, and also slightly sad. regardless of how much i disliked the tons of work, the un-appreciation of work or effort, the being-looked-down-upon feeling, there were some good times. to say that i totally hated the experience would be a lie. all in all, it was a very good learning experience, no matter how hard it may be at times, i enjoyed and will cherish every moment of the 32 weeks journey.

for a 20 year old boy (yes i still think im a boy, thank you), 8 months is quite a long time. and now its coming to an end. im awfully happy that its finally coming to an end. haha. (told ya it was a mixture of feelings).

….

….

yea, im running out of things to say.

last week, one of the trainees at J&J finished her internship period (not the other period ok. lol). i am unsure how it happened, but me and her ended up exchanging farewell gifts with each other. lol. she gave me this glass tablet with a poem titled “friendship” engraved on it. which i must say is extremely thoughtful.

i, being the extremely-good-at-picking-gifts guy that i am, bought her a mug.

yes, a mug.

and painted on that mug is…..

(adding a pause to create excitement and anticipation)

“Good Morning. Let the stress begin!”

how thoughtful.

wtf. wtf. wtf. wtf.

i was cursing myself the entire trip back home after work. in defense of myself and my extremely inappropriate gift, i was looking for something to give to her that upon looking on it, would definitely remind her of the fun and crazy me.

not the heartless, sorry-excuse-for-a friend me.

besides cursing myself and being the laughing stock of the friend that drove me home, i was frantically thinking of how to salvage this situation (or friendship, perhaps). i mean, one gift can change everything! and so, after my friend’s laughter has died out (although i swear i can still hear him laughing after dropping me off), i followed my most feminine instincts (lol) and texted from the heart.

with fingers crossed, i texted (although how one would text / sms with his fingers crossed is beyond me)

“Hello. Saya sudah buka u punya hadiah. So touching Probably shud hav given u something similar, but then it wud not be sumthing that reminds u of me especially. Take care!”

Fingers still crossed, i waited for the reply.

First 30 seconds passed, no reply.

5 minutes, still no reply.

10 minutes, nothing.

.

.

.

.

zzzz.

(I fell asleep)

lol. i just came back from work, of course im tired!

and then it came. it woke me up from the nap i accidentally took with my fingers still crossed (which is probably not good for the fingers, but who cares really). half awake, i read the reply.

“Haha, ur cup realy wil make me remember u always, if have destiny, hope we can meet again, take care also, yaxin from johnsin & johnsin :-D”

FUH! LEGA!

that was a close one.

in my semi-conscious state, i almost replied ” bukan cup la, mug.”, but thank God my brain was functioning more properly than when i bought the mug.

note to self : when buying a gift for a girl next time, ignore all sense of sarcasm and buy something lovey dovey.

there is a very fine line between being nice and being mean. good and evil. funny sarcasm and not-funny-at-all-borderline-cruel sarcasm. pray you don’t accidentally slip to the dark side.

till next time, cheers!

take care.

ciao.
p/s : in case your wondering, johnsin & johnsin is not a typo error, just a friend joke that me and the ppl at J&J understand. although yaxin might be a typo. or she doesn’t know how to spell my name. lol. at least we’re still talking

ok. dah update. bye bye blog. haha.

(ditarik telinga oleh blog utk teruskan)

ouch.

er, hi. honestly i had not planned at all to update my blog tonight, but after reading a comment from a friend at his blog, i decided to show him how my mind is chock-full of so many ideas and stories that i can conjure up a 1000 word blog just like that (snaps his fingers).

how foolishly arrogant humans can be sometimes.

(thinking of the next line..)

After several tries to see the definition of finger snap on wiki failed miserably (stupid internet), I decided to write about something else.

Lately my mind has been thinking about my coming semester. In few weeks time, I shall be a senior. (still clicking “Try again” button on wiki page) I may be somewhat influenced by my increasingly jiwang and desperate friends (penghargaan ke sapik), but my mind keeps thinking about how almost everyone is rushing to find themselves a life partner.

Apparently, most find it extremely difficult to find a partner after university years. Even the most unexpected of people have a bf/gf. (not-so-vague hint : current kelantanese roommate ). It is quite hard to digest that the people that usually condemn the “coupling” phenomena (i.e: Rakan Masjid), are joining in the supposedly hedonistic trend. (not referring to my roommate, but others perhaps). If I may quote a line from a book i just finished reading last weekend (and have been waiting for its sequel ever since), “Even Holy Men are men”.

If there’s one thing I do not like, it’s hypocrites. I hope I’m not a hypocrite, but in truth, we all are, some perhaps more than others. Yes, we are. The way I act when I’m with my parents is a bit different from the way I act with my friends. Not a different person altogether, but slightly different, mostly out of respect. And I’m pretty sure most people are the same.

Getting back to my original topic, when I think about my university years slowly but surely coming to an end, I start to think if I’m actually going to find someone. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not desperate to the point I imagine myself going to the zoo with my girlfriend to look at elephants (penghargaan kedua kepada sapik), its just that the thought of it pops into my head sometimes and it makes me somewhat worried. Moreover most of my close friends are already planning when they’re getting married. WTF!

Gosh, how depressing is the blog this time. honestly I don’t like to write depressing blogs. I dunno, there is enough pain in this world as it is, why spread around more?

There’s this one person in my office. He’s a real pain in the “donkey” when it comes to work, but apart from work, he’s actually a nice guy i think. A bit dorky, but overall a nice person. Friendly, humorous (although at times over the top), sarcastic are words that one would use to describe him. I would also like to note here that this person is NOT me. haha. He’s actually around 30 years old.

He has a job that he seems to enjoy, a respected position in a multinational company, somewhat plain-looking but not the ugliest in the bunch, and an overall nice personality. The thing that bothers me the most about him is that he’s not married.

And in more ways than one, I see myself in this person. I have big ambitions. I work hard (compared to other interns).What if I’m to turn to into him in a couple of years? Who’s to say I’m not? Perhaps the reason he works so bloody hard is to overcome overwhelm the loneliness? He seems to have no problem talking to women, so why is he not married?! Surely women have married (and divorced) people that are worse than him, yet why is this person, (however he obnoxious might be sometimes due to his no-way-but-my-way attitude), not married?

Is it because he did not find himself a girlfriend during his university years? My parents didn’t meet each other at the university. But that was years ago. Who knows, perhaps the trend has changed nowadays. Perhaps it was just not meant to be for him? Obviously I do not want it to happen to me also, but what should I do? zzz. This sucks. Maybe my laid-back attitude will not help in this department. lol. After all, as my friend said, the well will not go looking for the timber. lol. (penghargaan kepada sado on the well-rojaked proverb. almost didn’t spot what was wrong the first time)

Honestly, I don’t think I’m fully ready for commitment. It’s hard for me to imagine I’m only allowed to speak to only ONE girl and not be allowed to go out with other girls, if only for a casual outing. Because that’s what marriage is. It is highly unacceptable for a husband to go out with a female friend of his, and it is also the same scenario for the wife. The husband is bound by custom and culture to go out only with his guy-friends and the wife is also allowed to go out with her girl friends only.

I can’t imagine how, or why for that matter would I limit myself to these rules and restrictions. Sure, most of the time I hang out with my guy-friends, but sometimes I do get bored and I do ask my girl friends to go out. And sometimes its only me and the girl. Honestly, its just an outing, it is hardly romantic, I just enjoy talking to a girl sometimes.

Okay, okay, fair enough, even if I had a girlfriend, I would still be able to go out with my girl friends, but to what extent? Surely the girlfriend would limit what I can and cannot do, and at some point, she might will get jealous no matter how much I tell her she’s the only one bla3, we’re only human. I’d probably be jealous too if a guy constantly asks my girl out.

… lost track of the reason i’m writing. how appropriate that my playlist is currently playing The Reason by Hoobastank.

I just want you to know,

I’ve found a reason for me,

To change who I used to be,

A reason to start over new,

And the reason is you…

Sigh, it’s amazing how the hardest of questions can be answered with the simplest arrangement of words in a song.

When you’re married (or perhaps in most of my peers case, found true love), you don’t really care about anyone else, well, not as much as that special someone. you don’t mind not talking to your other girl-friends, as long as you can talk to that one person, if only for the briefest of moments. Sacrifices have to be made, but when the right person comes along, you’d do it in a heartbeat.

I understand now why some friends of mine did the things they do. I was ignorant then, I was arrogant, I still am.

Maybe my time is not here yet. Maybe it never will be.

I’m hoping it will be.

Whenever that may be.

Till next time, take care.                                                                                     Peace.

it is beyond my own understanding as to why tonight is special. perhaps it is the first time i went to the local pasar malam, after so many months of staying here. perhaps its because of the 11pm bath i just took as it was so hot and humid (typical malaysian weather). perhaps its because its monday tomorrow, and im just looking for a reason not to sleep. in my books, its not tomorrow until you sleep, tomorrow does not start at 12 am. whatever it is or was, it got me to write in my blog, so it was a good thing.

as i struggle to type while being in the dark, (literally, as my roommates wanna sleep and they turned off the lights), i again began to wonder what was it i wanted to write in this old, dusty (conceptually) blog.

after so many months of no updates, no one would ever visit this blog again. hell, even i dont visit this blog anymore. haha. perhaps that would be best. no pressure to update. which is what i intended for in the first place.

the thing about not writing for so long, so many months, so many minutes, (i like arranging the words this way, makes it and me sound epic and sophisticated. haha), you’d have so many things to write about, you won’t know where to start first. for goodness sake, some people blog every single day, and they still have loads of things to write about. my life is just not that interesting. haha. with that being said, let us begin.

death has come and claimed a life of something close to me today. it was something very close to me, without it i feel so helpless in today’s cyber-fast world. alas, life must go on, and it too, if given the gift of thought and speech, would not want me to mourn its passing. thus i bid farewell to my dear mouse, you have been a dear friend for these past months. no, i am not talking about my hamster, i am talking about my mouse, as in “click click” not “cheep cheep”. haha. if hamsters actually go “cheep cheep”. haha.

“what will happen to a face in a crowd when it gets too crowded?”

with a crowd of 6 billion people at the moment, does our individual existence on this earth really matter? what does one more human being mean? honestly, i myself do not know, as i myself am one of those faces in the crowd. perhaps jason mraz would know, as he seems like an intelligent person, plus he was the one that thought up of the quote above. its in one of his songs. and just so happens i was listening to it when i was writing. thought it was something interesting to share, something to get the juices flowing, apart from the usual brain numbing stuff i write. haha.

have you ever been to an f1 race?  one word describes it. loud. ridiculously loud. i would not recommend one that has a weak heart or a low maximum safe threshold of hearing to go to one. but for someone like me, (lazy and sarcastic) (no, not lazy and sarcastic, likes fast cars and can handle loud noises. haha), it is worth every penny (assuming you actually paid for the tickets in pennies). the sound of an f1 car roaring past you in Sepang is similar to the sound of thunder, only it has a more coarse, harsh quality to it. if given the choice of listening to f1 cars or thunder as a form of torture or punishment, i would most definitely pick thunder. despite the eardrum-shattering noise, it was an enjoyable experience, i would definitely go again next year if given the chance.

the thought of studying for the rest of your life would be terrifying for some, but i find myself devising a way to actually never graduate from UTP, just to avoid jumping into the working world. i guess it goes without saying that i am greatly loathing my working experience in johnson and johnson. i now understand the dishonorable actions of my predecessor. i would not abandon my responsibilities on an uninformed new practical trainee, i am far too responsible (however near “far” may be) to do that, however i understand why she did it to me. the stress is almost unbearable at times. if i were a pillar supporting the weight of a building (relating to stress), the building would most probably be the leaning tower of pisa. the damn thing is already leaning. lol. (hopefully that made sense. haha)

moving on from the lame engineering comparison, i dread each day that i have to go to that god-forsaken place. i count the very minutes to reach the blessed weekends and i subconciously programmed my brain to keep track of the number of seconds before my dreaded internship period ends. sigh.

to be fair, i have learned a lot in the past 4 months. the things that i learn here do have some relevance to what i have studied, and probably will see again in my actual working environment. the pay is quite high compared to other companies. but the working environment is a very stressful one. my supervisors aren’t really helping. they themselves are stressed out, but perhaps they have better motivation (i.e:their pay is good). they are stressed out and they vent some of that stress at me at times. which is making me so stressed coz i dont have that much of a motivation.

my actual supervisor is not giving me the marks i want, is extremely emotional, finds faults in almost everything i do, passes every single meaningless and time-consuming tasks that she does not want to do to me, and has very bad communication skills. or maybe i have very bad hearing skills. regardless, in conclusion, i want to go back to UTP to study. something i would never imagine myself saying.

i do not wish to stop writing, but my brain is sending signals to my eyes to occasionally blink, which probably means my body is tired. which means i should probably sleep to avoid dozing off while reviewing those boring BRR documents. i sincerely hope my supervisor will lighten up in the near future, and see that i am really trying to impress her by listening to her comments about being more alert and proactive (whatever the hell that meant) and having a more positive mood and outlook on the tons of non-engineering related work she throws at me. controlling myself from yelling at her when she criticizes and mocks me for even the tiniest bit of mistake is proving to be more difficult by day. even more so when i think that my scholar, JPA is actually paying UTP approximately 4k+ for me to work in this hellhole.

as i end my literary experiment, i wish everyone a happy and prosperous life. life is short, live it. until we meet again my dear blog.

whenever that may be.

ciao.

hello.

apologies for not being able to put up a new post sooner. for some reason, when times i felt like posting, there seemed to be a problem with the internet connection, and when i didn’t, the connection was perfect.. haha. maybe its a sign for me to stop blogging or something. hahah.

anyways, apart from that, i am at my rent house (rumah sewa? lolz.). so only recently did we get internet connection, so even if i wanted to write something, i couldnt. 

this time, i’d just like to say a lil’ bit about my internship. as im sure most of my fellow colleagues and bloggers have already done.

my senior, the person that did the internship a semester earlier than me, just finished her internship period and so now, all her work is passed down to me. this wouldnt be a big deal if she’d actually prepared me properly… in my own personal point of view, which may not necessarily be true, she couldnt care less whether i knew what my responsibilities were or not, she just wanted to get the hell out of that place. haha. coz all she taught me during the one month she was still there is how to do simple stuff. and then suddenly, during the handover meeting, (which is the meeting in which she hands over all her work to me), she lists down all these things that i have never done before, and im supposed to be doing after she left… and i was like “i am so dead”. X_X haha.

but seriously, i didnt have a clue what she just said. and i was really freaking out. what the hell am i supposed to do after this?! and when i asked her, she’d go about saying things like, “it was like this when i came here” and “my senior never taught me anything and i had to learn all this by myself, so you have to also…”. oh my god, how irritating some human beings can be sometimes…

and to top it all off, i had to go fetch my parents from KLIA coz they were coming back from doing their haji and bring them back to Ipoh, so i wont be in the office for two days. which means, i couldnt learn anything about what she just told me. crap.

and so, later that day, while cursing myself for having such a lousy lazy senior, and also praying for my well-being in the next 7 months, i drove to my uncle’s house, coz his house was nearer to the airport. that night, i slept in a room with my cousin, which was in standard 3, i think.

he was also having a not so good day. he was complaining to me how prefects never get enough credit. they do all these things and they never get anything in return. so i kinda asked him what exactly did he do. so he said he was in charge of lowering the flags at the end of every day… hehe.

but then it occured to me, this is a big deal to him. a real big deal. and he was a bit upset no one gave him the credit he deserved even though what he was doing was of incredible difficulty and of super importance.

it got me thinking. maybe its the same with me. maybe to me all these report writing, meetings, validations, etc, seem extremely difficult to handle, but to other people, my supervisor perhaps, it may seem to be menial tasks that are not even worth their time to handle.

and i think it is. coz when my uncle got home, which was around 10 pm that night, he was talking about this meeting where they had to choose the GM and AGM of something. the meeting got so intense that one person actually went home sobbing, coz he/she (not sure) didnt get assigned or something, which means he/she probably wont have a job in the near future. so there i was thinking, out of all the meetings ive been to, there was never a meeting which someone actually cried and left, so my work must not be that hard. haha.

to my uncle, my work is probably like what my younger cousins work as a prefect looks like to me. so that kinda calmed me down and prepared me for the tasks that awaited me when i came back for work. hehe. 

and also, that night i fetched my parents at KLIA. earlier, my brother and my aunt were talking, “maybe my dad had stopped smoking since he went to Mekah”. hehe. so, when my mother and father arrived, after hugging all the relatives that were there, what does my father do? he grabs a cigarette from his bag. haha. even the guard that was holding the sub-machine gun couldnt stop from snickering. haha. so much for no longer smoking. it was nice seeing my parents after so long.

like any other person that came back from the Holy Lands, my parents had loads of stories to tell. the funniest one being what they did right after they officially got their haji and hajjah. my father even made a video of it. 

“What do you do 15 minutes after you finished your hajj? Burger King!” lolz.

they went to Burger King. haha.

oh yeah, for those that are wondering, life in bandar sunway, where im staying for the period of my internship, is good. i go out often (in stark contrast with my life in utp), i hang out with my friends quite often, and i go to the movies almost weekly. haha. and my allowance money disappears at an exponential rate. haha. and im also about to try ice skating tomorrow. haha.

and thats about all the things i wanted to write. ill admit, this post isnt nearly as long as the other ones. probably coz i dont feel as comfortable writing on someone else’s laptop. fyi, the spelling is laptop, not “ladtop”. -_-. i left the power source for my laptop at my house in ipoh. -_-”.

take care.

till next time, whenever that may be, chow.

hello.

usually i dont post more than once a month, but something happened quite recently that kinda stirred my thoughts and emotions, i guess. (chewah)

there was a death, no, make that two deaths in UTP, on thursday and friday. this one guy died of, of all things, a heart attack. imagine that. while playing football. one assumes that when someone plays football, he probably has been playing for awhile, therefore should be fit enough to play the game, and probably know when to stop playing, so to get a heart attack while playing,.. is bizzarre.

the 2nd guy, died in an accident involving himself and… (this may sound funny but try not to laugh coz its disrespectful..), a kerbau. also known as a buffalo. for those that do not know, kerbaus (pandai2 je letak ’s’ for plural of kerbau. haha.) always roam around the roads infront of utp at nite, and since they are dark in color and there arent any lights lighting up the roads, utp students often hear tales of people having accidents with these behemoths. and believe me, they are quite big and quite strong. there was one story that i heard, a group of ppl were in a kancil and they banged into a kerbau, and the kerbau actually stared back at them for a few seconds before actually moving away. its as if the kancil banging into the blasted kerbau was like a mosquito bite or sumthing. (who’d ever thought i’d use so many animals in one sentence. haha.)

of course, the thought of students, almost the same age as me, dying, is somewhat scary. but who cares rite? ppl die all the time. even babies die. sure its a bit scary, but i dont even know these ppl, so no big deal….

or so i thought.

after finishing our exams, (yeay!), me and the guys went to ipoh to blow some steam.. it was the usual, bowling, movies, some of them went to mcd after that, but i was already lacking sleep, so i passed. quantum of solace is nice, btw, not as nice as casino royale, but still nice. action wise, top notch, but the story was moving a bit too fast for me to fully digest whats going on. but all in all, a nice movie. as for the bowling, i sucked big time. cant really say it was the lane, coz there were other ppl that had better scores even though the lane wasnt in tip top condition,  i guess it was just me. i scored 99 and 98. cant remember the last time i scored BELOW 100, so it kinda sucked for me.

anyways, while waiting for the midnight movie, some of the guys went for karaoke. see, the karaoke place is in the bowling alley area, and so we bumped into other utp friends there. fyi, it is almost impossible for you not to bump into a utp student at jusco during the weekends. especially so after the exams… duh. haha. so anyways, i went there a bit late coz i had to, er, shake hands with the president. haha. and so when i got there, my friend came up to me and told me something that is quite,.. disturbing…

if you guys recall, i became a facilitator for the orientation week this sem. so as a facilitator, i had one group of students to handle. my friend, the one that came up to me also was a faci and also had a group. it turns out that, the guy that had the heart attack, was in his group. and i know that guy..

well, not to say i know him very well, i just know him, as in i know who my friend was talking about when he mentioned it to me.

i guess it has a big impact on me.  as far as i know, none of my friends have died. sure, there have deaths in my family before, but no one that was actually younger than me. yes, he was actually younger than me. born in 1990 if my calculations are correct.

to see this guy alive and well at one time, and to suddenly hear that he’s dead, is… i dont know what the word is for this one. guess this goes to show death knows no boundaries.

it really opened my eyes. life is short, shorter than i may think, apparently. i need to live life more. no more wasting time, staying alone at home, doing nothing but sleep and  play computer games all the time. (i barely play any computer games nowadays, but still… ). its time for change. and what better time to make a change in my life than during my internship. i’ll be working, which means i will have some extra cash. plus, ill be in the vicinity of kuala lumpur, which means i can try out stuff ive always wanted to try while i was in pasum but never got the chance (i.e: ice skating! :D). hehe.

plus, i should have more money to go travelling. hehe. i do like travelling to new places, just that id rather not go alone, id prefer it if some friends, or family perhaps, could come with me. but thats the problem really, not everyone likes travelling. and not that many people can afford it. even worse, not many people think that its a good way to spend your money… haihs… i guess they’ve never heard of the proverb “jauh perjalanan, luas permandangan”. (dunno what the english version is, but ill find out later).

i feel like writing more, but i dont really have anything else to say, so i guess i’ll stop here. oh yeah, in case anyone’s wondering, i’ll be doing my internship at johnson and  johnson, petaling jaya. hehe. ill be an intern for 8 months, starting this december, so plenty of time to do stuff during that time. hehe. oh yeah, im not sure, but i dont think there’ll be any internet connection where i’m staying, so probably wont be blogging so often. (macam la “often” sgt skrg ni. haha.)

erm, another important thing to mention, my parents are going for haji this wednesday (26th november 2008), so i’d appreciate it if you guys could pray for my parents safety and well-being. thanks a lot.

last but not least, i was actually planning something different for this post, but since i didnt even plan on writing this post, the “something different” will have to wait till the next time i blog. hehe.

oh yeah! totally forgot about the majlis doa selamat and tahlil (refer to previous posting). all in all, it was a successfull ceremony. thank you very2 much to everyone that came. it meant a lot to me. semoga Allah memberkati tuan2 dan puan2 sekalian. i’d blog about it, but there really isn’t that much to blog about, hehe. but a friend of mine did blog about it, you can read it here. (ive never actually tried linking another page, so forgive me if the link doesnt work. huhu.)

and, the final ‘last but not least’, hehe, i’d like to wish everyone that have NOT finished their exams, good luck, do your best, to those that HAVE and are in their sweet holidays, happy holidays, stay safe, and to those that are ‘unlucky’ in the sense that their holidays have been cut short due to the internship programme, good luck with you internship, take care, especially the people that are going overseas, and i’ll see you guys in 8 months!

take care everyone.

ciao~

apparently, friendster has this new thingy where i can save what i wrote yesterday…. eh wait.

hello ppl. tlupa plak.

k. lets move on. as i was saying, friendster blog has this new thingy (or maybe its an old thingy, coz i never really explore the possibilities with this thing) where i can save what i wrote and come back and finish it off some other time. which is sweeeet, since i always have stuff to say at times, but when i actually do open up my blog to write something, the idea is already boring to me, (although it might be interesting to you guys), so i end up not writing anything… huhu.

so the reason im telling you guys this is that im testing this new(?) feature out. ill write something today (29th October 2008), and maybe when i get the time, i’ll write something else, whenever that may be..

actually the reason that got me writing again, a bit early according to my schedule if i might add, is because some of my friends have started writing their blogs, and i dunno, seeing them write, makes me want to write something, which is childish, i know, but what the heck. haha.

is there anything interesting at all to write about today? hmm. not really. all boring stuff, as usual. o yea, a sad fact, i still havent gotten a placement for my internship, but for some reason i myself am not aware of, i am surprisingly extremely optimistic on the matter, even though there is no reason for me to be this way. most of the people in my course, most of my friends, have gotten a placement, some even have more than one, but i am somehow unaffected by all this. sure it kinda sucks when they start talking bout where they’re going to stay, what they’re going to do, who’s going with them, bla3, and i dont really have anything to say to join in the conversation, but i dont really mind. in fact, im actually feeling happy for them. which is something i usually am not inclined to do. haha.

okay. enuf for today. lets wait for next time aite.

———————————————————————————————————————————

its november 4th, 3 32 am. i finally found the time to write something..

you can never really see where your life is headed. sure, you may plan, predict, but you can never truly know where its going for sure, until you’re there.

b4, i talked about how i havent gotten any internship placement yet. the next day, i got 2 offers. unexpected. well, i was expecting to get offered somewhere, just not 2 offers, in the same day… and just yesterday, i got another one. so that makes 3. weird huh. out of nowhere these offers pop up. ah well, that is life.

ive run out of things to write about. interesting things, anyway. probably coz my brains in a jam from all the studying and the coffee i just drank.

owh. remembered something. how fun it is, to know that you’re in your study week, and some of your friends in other universities, have finished their exams. they are out of their misery, yours is only beginning. -_-”

my family is having a doa selamat and tahlil next week. odds are the ppl that read this blog are invited. if youre not, tell me. a person that reads my blog, should be invited, even though i may not know you very well. its kind of a big thing for me, this ceremony. for the most obvious reason, its a gathering to wish my parents well on their haji trip. 2ndly, bcoz, most of my friends in UTP havent been to my house, so for me to have a solid reason to invite them to come to my house is a good thing.

i really cant think of anything else worth writing now. guess ill stop here and continue some other time.

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________

november 6th, 3.27 am.

this shall probably be the last time i write in this particular post. afraid this post may be wee bit too long if i continue.

honestly, there really is nothing to write about today. apart from celebrating afiq’s bday. which was nice i guess.

moving on, im nearing the 2nd half of my study week and i have barely done any studying at all. which is very bad… curse all these projects that need to be finished… why have these useless projects anyways? have i learned anything from them? okay, honestly, yes. one. i learned that if you wait long enough, you can copy somebody else’s work. haha.what a waste of time…

and it spoils the study mood. you’re supposed to be concentrating on your studies fully during the study week, but since you’re swamped with work and other stuff, the concentration’s gone. proof? some of the guys went out for bowling just now. and tomorrow, some are going for quantum of solace. (if you dont know what this is, you definitely arent a movie buff). by the way, although i never really was a fan of the bond series, but i definitely liked casino royale.. it was really nice! i am definitely looking forward to quantum of solace.

at this point, for my internship, i shall probably be going to johnson and johnson. yeah, the shampoo company. ive heard only good things bout the place, and the pays not bad. but some seniors have said that the workhours sometimes can be quite long. instead of going off at 5 30 pm for example, try 5 30 am. i kid u not. wow huh? but of course you’ll get the next day off.. very interesting eh?

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I fell asleep.

november 6th, 1.13 pm.

due to falling asleep, i have forgotten what i was going to write down. but i did get some ideas after reading other ppls blogs. call it a realization if you will (and if there is such a word as realization)

there are so many blogs out there. really. so many. why? ive written some time ago about why ppl stop writing blogs, but never really why ppl start writing blogs..

do we crave the attention? do we need the interaction with other ppl so desperately that we post blogs for ppl to read and comment and go to sometimes extreme lengths to promote our blog? lets ponder about it for a moment. what do we really get when ppl read our blogs? when ppl post a comment?

sure, some of the super popular bloggers can really change the world with their blog (the chancellor of my university for example, che det), and some blogs that are popular enuf, they can have advertising to increase the balance in their pockets…

no. im not talking about these ppl. im talking about us. nobodies. (compared to che det, im definitely a nobody, and so are you, i think, unless ur che det and u’ve come to read my blog, then that makes me a somebody, coz che det is reading my blog… haha.) why do we write? we dont really have anything to benefit from it. yet we are excited when we spot the new comments on our blog. do we really care THAT much on what ppl think about us? are we really that lame? haha

uish. i should not have brought this up here. this topic on its own could cover one entire posting, and ive already written some stuff… i dont want my blog to be too long, now do i?

here’s what i think, if it matters anyway. humans crave attention. we crave it on every level. we sometimes wear clothes that are attractive so that ppl will stare. we sumtimes talk to almost any stranger for no apparent reason than to fill the time or avoid an awkward moment. we bring our handphones everywhere, chat with absolute strangers in chatrooms, join social websites, forums, and last but most definitely not the least, hop from one blog to another and write our own blogs.

it is a way to be heard. blogs. when che det’s thoughts couldnt get into mainstream media, he started blogging. and im guessing its the same for us. for every blogger.

blasted ppl keep popping into my room… nk tulis blog dgn aman pun susah..

i shall make it short then. ppl like attention. ppl want to be heard. blog is a way to be heard. some are so desperate for their voices to be heard, they promote their blog to extreme lengths (my opinion anyways, not necessarily true). because in the end, no matter how much we say we dont care, we really do care, if only a little, about what ppl think about us, and whether ppl give a damn about us or not.

so thats why i get happy or excited when i see new comments. there is someone out there that actually cares enuf to actually say something to what i have to say. haha. pathetic eh? i know. in the end, we are all pathetic ppl. haha. nobody can live alone.

and this concludes my experiment on this new style of blogging. i have to say, its been somewhat fun, no pressure to write so much in so little time. but somewhat tiring as well, as i need to face this blog thing for so many days, when i usually face it only once a month. how u guys manage to post so many in so short a time perplexes my timid mind. haha.

damn it, more ppl popping in! perlu ke masuk sini.. -_-” shuh2. stop lah cmni.

tk cr.

ciao~